The Bachelor Pad
by CanadianGothStalker
Summary: a series of events that happens once everyone graduates GLA and live on there own. Nah they live with someone. No point at all whats so ever but to make you laugh. warning: mature content, language, idunno about violence at this point im trying to make it fluffy . M because its me and this is what i do Modern AU


**I, CanadianGothStalker, herby disclaim everything in this story except for my OC's and plot!**

**The following belong to their respective owners (and I will add to the list as I go along)**

**Felina Bo © toughcookie27**

**Blizzard © XFangHeartX**

**One Piece and all the characters © Eiichiro Oda (not sure if I spelled his name right)**

**Rhythm D. Jade © CanadianGothStalker**

**Please enjoy the confusing story that has no point but to entertain you.**

"Well, I think this is defiantly our home for a while."

"Whoo! Bachelor pad!"

"It's only a bachelor pad if there are _bachelor_'s living in here."

"You're a guy, I'm guy-like. We're not married. So bachelor pad."

"No I-oh forget it."

"Guys I call the spot by the fire place!"

"Felina, no, get out."

"But-"

"Go to Luffy's. Luffy has been begging her for a cat for a while now."

"No he has a dog-"

"Get out!"

"Fine Mr. Pissy-Pants!"

*_ring ring* _"Yay bachelor pad!"

"Why are you riding a bike around here?"

"There is a wide open space and I have Nami's bike. Of course I'm going to ride it. When we get all the furniture in let's keep this area open so I can ride it around."

"I think she'll want her bike back."

"I know. I'll sneak it back to her apartment later before she notices it's gone. I won't be caught dead out in public with a cute orange cruiser."

*sigh* "Get off the bike and start moving boxes in."

"Make me Mr. Pissy-Pants!"

"I think the living room is pretty sweet," Rhythm grinned.

"Oh yeah. This is the life."

The two settled down on the squishy army green sofa with a dark coffee table in front of them, a nice TV mounted on two TV dinner tables with their own Xbox and Wii under it. A cabinet of DVDs and games sat up against the wall with a framed poster of Woodstock on the cream colored wall. Next to the couch was a pink and white lawn chair.

"We got a good deal on the couch, so maybe we could get paint with the extra money tomorrow."

"And paint it with what color? Green?"

"Purple."

"Green."

"Purple."

They glared at each other.

"It's so nice you two invited us over for dinner. I was getting tired of having to call Sanji for advice on cooking for Luffy," Nami said as she brushed her skirt down.

"Sure. We really just wanted to show off our awesome bachelor pad," Rhythm said plopping down next to her.

"Bachelor-?"

"Don't ask," Zoro stopped her.

"I think it's' great how you two got a modern and Japanese mix to the place." She said, indicating to the low table with no chairs, but cushions.

"Yeah we were looking at tables but we didn't have enough in the budget. So we just settled for a small table with no chairs. So much cheaper."

"What's for dinner guys?" Luffy bounced over and sat down next to his girlfriend. Blizzard sat down next to him and wagged his fluffy tail.

"Panda Express."

"We need a bed."

"Oh yeah we do."

The two looked down at the greying mattress on the ground. A cockroach scurried from a tear on the side and Zoro crushed it with his boot. The tattered piece of crap they call a bed was caved in in the middle and smelled badly of mothballs, dirt, and sex.

"We have a wide selection for you two young lovebirds to choose from! Now tell me, are you close sleepers or all over?"

"I'm fine with this," Zoro plopped down on the first mattress he saw and started to doze off.

"Give us the biggest most comfy bed you got," Rhythm said. "Not a damn Temporpedic or memory foam or anything like that. Springs."

The happy salesman brought her to a California King with a creamy surface.

"This is the most uncomfortable bed I've ever laid in."

"Well we'll find you something accustomed to you little scalawags' taste," he said with a fake smile

"What about this one?" Zoro plopped down on a soft light blue bed.

"How about this?"

Rhythm was laying on her side, posed in the sexy stance, on a red draped, heart-shaped bed as it spun in a slow, seductive circle.

Zoro and the salesperson stared at her blankly as she slowly spun around.

"We'll take this one." Zoro finally said.

The two stared blankly at the wide selection of bed sets. Plaids and stripes, floral patterns and super heroes in all sizes. Fabrics of cotton to linen, even silk adored the shelves. Decorative pillows in different shapes cherished the fake beds with pretty little lamps on matching bedside table.

They made no sound, no movement as they stared at the most simple bed spread there was, blue and green stripes on one side and polk-a-dots on the other.

"Is there such thing as 'solid' bedspreads?" Zoro said

"Let's just get some sheets. If we get cold, I have a Pooh Bear comforter hanging around."

"Why'd you two have to move next door to Luffy and Nami?" Felina whined. "You know I don't like dogs!"

"That's exactly why we moved there. To keep you away." Rhythm and Felina entered the large apartment building, the front desk was empty except for Rob Lucci's pigeon, Hattori.

"Bitch."

"Love you too, babe."

"I don't," she said sourly.

"Go get Hattori, that'll make you feel better."

She looked at Rhythm in disbelief, "Are you crazy?!" Lucci-san would kill me!"

"Exactly."

"I hate you. You know, I might move in with Franky and Robin instead. They don't try to kill me."

"Good luck with that!" Rhythm waved as she ran up the stairs of the Thousand Sunny apartment building, where pretty much everyone lived at.

"RHYTHM! ZORO!" SAVE ME!" A high pitched squeal erupted from the park.

"Dude he just wants to play," Luffy said.

"No! He wants to tear my soft flesh off my bones and chew my remains until I'm nothing but a set of eyeballs!" Felina cried from the tree where she clutched the branch. The tree itself was shuddering because she was shaking so hard.

"Blizzard's a sweetie," Nami said, betting the big dog on his head.

The dog himself was sitting at the base of the tree looking up to the scared cat girl, pink tongue lolling from his mouth from exertion with a happy grin plastered to his face.

"Felina! I swear to God if you don't get down I will take your everlasting supply of catnip!"

"Come on boy, let's go play fetch!" Luffy said as he took off running. Blizzard barked happily after him.

"Now will you get down?"

"Not in a million years!" she screamed.

"Not my problem," Nami turned and started after Luffy and Blizzard.

"Felina in ten years from now dogs will evolve enough to be able to catch their prey from the sky by growing wings. I suggest you hide underground."

That freaked out the small, pigtailed girl as she screeched and jumped from the tree, running as fast and hard as she could from the park.

"It's too bland."

"A bad contrast to the rest of the place."

"Never thought I'd be doing something like this."

"Got on some crappy pants?"

"Uh-huh. As crappy as I could get."

"Don't look much different."

"Oi!"

They stood in front of the pillar separating the front walk way, living room, hallways, and kitchen. Pretty much it was the central part of the couch. The two decided that with the extra money to paint the blinding white column.

Zoro held a pint of forest green paint and roller, whilst Rhythm had a pint of pale purple and a roller. They noticed the alternating colors and narrowed their eyes.

"In your dreams moss boll."

"The green is way better than that gross purple you have."

Eyes set, they struck.

"I don't know whether to be proud or disappointed or disgusted."

The pair stared at the pillar, which was a smear of purple, green, and a black-ish brown color.

"I don't think we have enough money to fix it." Zoro shook his head and wiped black-ish brown paint from his eyes.

"I see your face print," she pointed out a very Zoro-like silhouette drying on the pillar.

"There's your ass," he pointed to the two clashing circles.

"That was your fault, shithead."

"We need to make the most amazing breakfast ever," Rhythm yawned as she sat herself on the kitchen island, hair flat on one side.

"It's ten am, hardly breakfast anymore," Zoro said.

"Well what do we have?"

Zoro stuck his head into the fridge. "We have baking soda, milk- scratch that we used to have milk," he threw the sour milk into the trashcan. "And a half eaten loaf of bread."

Silence.

"TO THE MARKET!"

Rhythm and Zoro ran through the aisle with a shopping cart, Rhythm in plaid pajama pants and a Shinedown shirt and flip-flops, and Zoro in a white Avenge Sevenfold shirt with flannel pants and bunny slippers (didn't notice until he stepped out of the car in the parking lot).

"Eggs!"

"Check!"

"Milk!"

"Check!"

"Sausage, ham, cheese, hash browns, hot sauce, olive oil!"

"Check, check, check, check, check, check, and check!"

They rushed past everyone, the mother's with insistent children or grumpy men with no sense of direction. They ran through the store, barely pausing to get what they want and only stopping to turn around and replace what they got on accident.

"OJ! POM! Apple juice!"

"The hell?" Zoro said.

"Peach Orange Mango juice. Now grab it!"

"That's too much! We'll get it another time!"

"Fine. Oj and Apple juice."

He glared at her.

"We're always getting apple juice, you can complain all you want but we need that as much as we need booze."

The sleepy pair stared into the glass case with the assortment of alcohol. Behind them was the rows of cheap beer, but before them was the good stuff.

"I feel like if I breathe on it everything will shatter," Rhythm whispered.

"It's like we're in one of those fancy winery's," Zoro agreed.

"You're in Vons," said a passing customer. The two ignored him.

"They have wood floors here and everything around the booze, bakery, and Deli."

"Let's just grab some cheap beer and go," Zoro grabbed some Blue Moon and Dos Equis. (AN: my Dad makes wine and beer and lets me try whatever he's drinking. I know booze. Somewhat.)

"No, lets' get a Jack Daniel's, Merlot, and some Sake, too."

"We'll get the Jack Daniel's here, we'll go to Bevmo after this then."

"Fuck yeah!" she grabbed a couple Jack Daniel's and set them in the brimming cart.

"Honestly, I can't tell the difference between the two," Rhythm said, holding cilantro, lettuce or parsley in her hands.

"Get them both. Whatever's not cilantro we'll give to shit cook."

"He'll like that."

(AN: kid me not I confused cilantro and lettuce at the market once. Mom just laughed at me. Thanks for your support, mother. Never told me the difference)

"Got the Ty Ku?"

"Aye, you got the Verum?"

"Yup. Shame they didn't have any good Merlot in stock."

"No no! to the left! _Left, Zoro!" _ Rhythm cried.

"Dammit it's on fire!" he started beating the flame with a kitchen towel.

"You're fault! I told you to keep an eye on the hash browns."

"They look more like hash black's too me."

"I see what you did there. And it was lame."

"Shut up."

"The touch of cilantro at the top really makes it look nice."

"It kind of takes away the horror that it is."

On the small table sat the two plates of a misshapen omelet, burned hash browns, and bacon with sausages. The omelet itself was lumpy and awkwardly cooked.

"I dunno if I want to eat that. It looks a bit poisonous, how it's colored and the smell."

"Trust me, you'll have an orgasm then get turned on all over again with just one bite," Rhythm said, digging into hers.

"Fine, but you owe me," he said sitting down next to her.

"Ow chu whu?" she said around a mouthful (Owe you what?).

He arched an eyebrow, bringing the fork to his lips.

"Oh," she nodded.

"Aw shit your right, it is orgasmic!"

"Ugly on the outside, but amazing on the inside."

"Franky!" Zoro called from halfway across the apartment parking lot.

"Hey Zoro! Wassap?" Franky waved.

"I broke my sink! Could you fix it?"

"How the hell did you break your sink?! I made sure it was durable and stainless!" Franky cried out.

"I dunno it just broke."

Zoro, Rhythm, and Felina pulled up to the Taco Bell drive through.

"I'm offended," Felina huffed. "Taco Bell isn't real Mexican food."

Since the little cat girl was Mexican, she never really went to places like Taco Bell. She said it was fake and just offended her on the fact that they were selling this off as "Mexican food".

"I know, bitch. I'm not going here for an authentic Mexican cuisine, I'm going because I'm broke and I like tacos," Rhythm said and Zoro pulled up to the window.

"What do you guys want?" Zoro asked.

"Nothing," she huffed.

"Three crunchy tacos." Rhythm said.

"I don't like this. Can you pick me up something from the market?"

"Shut up, Beaner. You get what you get."

(AN: toughcookie and I are part Mexican, so only we can tease the beaners.)

"Hey where are Usopp and Kaya?" Vivi asked.

"I think they're 'trapped' in the closet," Nami said.

"Hey guys there's mayonnaise on my jacket!" Luffy called from the hall.

"Luffy! Don't you DARE eat that!" Nami yelled and ran down the hall.

"**WARNING! Sharks have been spotted in the pool! They come out when they smell pee."**

"That's genius," Zoro said, sliding back on his sunglasses and leaning back in the lounge chair.

"Watch, someone's actually going to believe it." Rhythm nodded and stretched in her own lounge chair.

It was a hot day at the pool and Franky and Robin invited everyone to join them at the apartment pool, which had just been opened. Franky was boasting loudly about the state of the art filters and the huge-ass water slide into a heated salt water pool. Nami and Robin were sunbathing at the edge, and Luffy, Usopp, Chopper, Sanji, and Brook were playing Marco Polo in the warm waters. Kaya was listening to Franky intently and Vivi, Ace, Nojiko, and Kohza sat at the deep end and watched the failed game of Marco Polo. Zoro and Rhythm sat in the shade at the pool edge on separate lounge chairs, sunglasses and iPods on.

Residents of the apartments were hanging around the pool too, relaxing in the hot tub, having a bar-b-que, or playing games in the nice waters.

Some kid with big eyes and red swim trunks was splashing around with his sister in the shallow end when he stopped, looked at the shark sign, and then started screaming and squirming away.

"Timmy!" (AN: coulve thought of something better, but it seemed fitting) the boys mother came rushing over as his sister attempt to calm him. :What's the matter?"

"I peed in the pool now the sharks are going to get me! I couldn't help it!" he screamed.

They couldn't help it. Rhythm and Zoro burst out laughing at Timmy's distress.

"Oh God I was kidding!" Rhythm guffawed.

"This is too much!" Zoor said between gasps of laughter. The mother threw us a poisonous glare and yanked her son from the water and left the pool area.

**That's all for now folks! I have something big planned, but I needed this out first! Just stay tuned, things get a bit more serious and more like an actual story then a series of comedic events. (if this made you laugh yourself until you pissed in the pool then vote/fave!)**

**Remember kids, don't pee in the pools or the sharks'll get ya!**

**Im serious I saw a kid get swallowed whole cuz he couldn't hold his bladder.**


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